Loosing Your Way

Do you ever feel like a train that has been completely off routed from its tracks? Ask me exactly one year ago today and I'd have told you that, a-Level results depending, I would become an English Literature student, eventually to do a PGCE and become a secondary school teacher. I had a clear route planned.

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I'm panicky by nature, and having a plan helps me to feel more confident and assured.

A week before breaking up for Easter, after weeks of tears under the duvet, and forcing myself to commute the 30 mile journey to and from uni, I decided that mentally, I couldn't fake it any longer.

I wasn't 'living the uni dream', much the opposite in fact. It was making me ill. I hated my course and what I thought would make me happy was making me more miserable than I'd ever imagined possible.

But what else would I do? Is there really any option after Sixth form but uni? Clearly yes, but when you are contemplating telling your parents that you're thinking about leaving your degree, you think that perhaps the only way you will be successful is to have one.

But guess what. I did it. I walked in, my nails bitten down to little stubs, I was so scared and withdrew from my courseI was scared of leaving the only structure to life I'd ever known. Education.

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I've tried writing this post 100 times over. Because I'm sure most of you will have realised by now that I'm not at university anymore. I've hinted at it lots, but never came outright and mentioned it, not because I'm embarrassed or am living in denial. But I didn't know what to say. I still don't.

Am I saying don't go to university? Of course not. Am I saying do what makes you happiest? Of course. At the end of the day your life is precious and at risk of sounding incredibly morbid, you never know how long you've got left. Education is not everything. You could be the most well-educated human on the planet and still live a miserable life.

I'm not ruling out the option of getting a degree, it's definitely something I'd like to achieve in my lifetime. If not directly related to a career option, then just for my own personal enjoyment.

So what happens if you wake up one morning, and feel as though you've completely lost your way? You take every single second as it comes and remember, everything happens for a reason.

Your loved ones will be there for you no matter what. And when everything feels like it's going wrong, remember the times where it was right and that there are plenty more to come.




7 comments:

  1. Awww Sophie. I'm pretty sure you had mentioned somewhere in a blog post/youtube video that you'd left uni, because I definitely already knew! It's so hard when you commute to really feel involved in uni life, and I totally get what you mean about not enjoying an english lit course.

    I originally started out as a commuting student, studying history and english lit... after one month, I decided I hated it! I moved into halls and dropped english, and instantly I was so much happier.

    Luckily I acted early and my fresher year was the best of my life, but you really do need to do what makes you happy. Hope you stay in a positive frame of mind xxx

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  2. I really respect everything you wrote here and totally understand, ive always felt that there's no other options but uni for myself and going into my second year, although i love my uni life im not sure if i love my course. Its very specific and so i know which job ill be getting at the end, which i think is the only reason im starting to doubt it.. it's just like everything is a little too planned out! I think a lot of the loving uni actually comes from living there and having the uni life, a lot of people i know that commute definitely haven't had that experience! I'd love to know what you're thinking about doing next, what ever it is i'm sure you'll be great at it.
    x

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  3. Aaah Sophie, this is so beautifully written. I agree with every word you've said, life is precious and short. There's no point in living your life being unhappy. I didn't go to Uni and dreaded telling my mum that I didn't want to go as I thought she'd be disappointed in me. I'm happy with the choices I've made and my Mum is proud of me too. xxx

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  4. I too quit university after a year, it just wasn't right for me. I became so unwell, I transformed into someone else so I just left, with the support of my family and boyfriend I'm now on my way to a better path. I'm taking an accounting course whilst I work. It's hard but it's far better than uni was. I have dealt with friends deeming themselves too good to hang out with me anymore because I'm working at a lower level job than they will when they leave. But I'm the happiest I've ever been and I hope you find your routine into happiness. Whatever anyone else thinks. You're clearly a lovely girl and life doesn't revolve around getting a degree.

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  5. love your blog hun! just followed you on blogger, bloglovin and insta! keep in touch lovely xx

    http://gypsywardrobe.blogspot.com.au/

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  6. this is a great post and is so reassuring to others, do you know what you intend to do in the future, are you just going to carry on working? :) what are your options :) x

    http://studentbeautylife.blogspot.co.uk/

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  7. This is an amazing post, I'm about the same age as you and I think it takes a lot of courage to leave uni when it seems like the normal thing to do after sixth form. This is a helpful reminder that plans don't always work out and that that's not always a bad thing.
    Rubi x

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